How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall? "Dam!"
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers
Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
What do you call skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop clop clop? An Amish drive-by shooting.
What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon?
He was disbarred.
What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?
Senator.
A priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this a joke?"